hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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