I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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