Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
