I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
