Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
