got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
