I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
