You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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