i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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