My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You need a sexual gate keeper
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
