i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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