yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
