So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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