it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
