I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
