I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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