guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
