Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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