I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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