I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
