i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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