they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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