I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
