i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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