Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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