Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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