No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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