i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
