You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize