I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
