she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
