i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
