Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
