remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
