do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
