Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
