my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
