maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize