I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
