get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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