Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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