Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
