What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
