By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We need a shit load of segways right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
