When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
