his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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