I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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