in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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