it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
