I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
