Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Randomize
