Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize