Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
