someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
