Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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