Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
