I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
