He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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