wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
