Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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