I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
