what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
