you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
