dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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