The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
