i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
