Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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