Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
