Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize