I saw his package. It spoke to me.
4 words: hood of his car
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
