did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
