i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize