First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
