Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
as a side note pls kill me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
