Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
