So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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