You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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