I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
