i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
