Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
