dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
