Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
