We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
