Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
