on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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