well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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