Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
