So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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