he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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