Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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