before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
