Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize