just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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