Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
