i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
