now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
