when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
