She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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