I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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